We are neither good nor bad; we simply are who we are.

It used to be an ardent wish of mine to not be human. To somehow transcend the human condition. Besides the fact that people are immoral and duplicitous, I cited behind that desire the fact humans were weak. We feel. We lose control of ourselves. Of our emotions. We are fragile.

I’ve since realized that was but an escapist fantasy. I wasn’t ruing humanity being weak; I was ruing me being weak. …


No expectations, no disappointment; still, I am trying to change

Like everyone else, I experience my fair share of low and difficulties. Sometimes they are practical, sometimes emotional. What do most people do when that happens? They turn to their family or friends for help. For a favor. It’s natural.

I, on the other hand, fight it out alone. If it’s a practical conundrum, I solve it by myself to the furthest extent possible. Only when I simply cannot do it anymore do I approach anybody else. And when it’s emotional… well, let’s just say few people know my true mental state at any given time.

I’m not proud of…


Not you too; now the world will discredit and isolate your work, which should stand on its own

It is rare for me to take an interest in a writer beyond their work. I suppose I classify them as celebrities; in the same way I couldn’t care less what Tom Cruise has for breakfast, I don’t spend time and effort digging up an author’s personal life.

Part of that is because I myself am a (radically less successful) novelist and I enjoy my privacy. Whoever said writing was a solitary pursuit was on to something. But there are exceptions. …


I deserve it, I deserve it not…

I swear I’m not trying to be cocky, but I get praise all the time, whether it be from my friends and family or professors and internship guides. Every time it happens (yes, ‘it’, like it’s some horrendous abomination to be complimented) I smile and thank the other person. But inside I cringe. No. Shut up. I’m the worst. Don’t even think of complimenting me. What a monster you are.

At first, I used to think that was something unique to my personality. Now I find there are many who have trouble accepting praise and greater trouble believing it. Why…


It is neither all good nor all bad; just like people, they form a more holistic part of your life

All of us have heard it said adopting a pet is good for our mental health. It makes intuitive sense, too. Animals, like books, are faithful and honest companions that do not deceive. More importantly, they are lively and adorable and one’s day could easily be spent simply observing them.

Then there are the naysayers who accentuate the responsibilities that come with adopting a pet. Leaving them alone in the house is potentially disastrous for both their mental health and your property, you must walk them every day, and clean up their excrement.

Which view is the more accurate one…


And it is terrifying

It’s been a while since I wrote something exclusively about myself. It always feels self-indulgent to spend an entire article talking about me. But I feel like I have to now. Otherwise everything pent-up inside might never escape into the light.

This won’t be my usual kind of essay. There will be no subheads, it will be short, and I won’t cite any research. A few days ago I had one of my trademark lows. Woke up and all I wanted to do was sit in a corner and stop existing. I didn’t. I worked through it. …


Why you’re better off listening to your body than society

I am not a morning person. There’s just something about it. The sun is always in the sky, so I can’t gaze at the moon and the stars. There are too many people around, I can see too much. This is also the time when work calls. College, internships, grocery store runs. It all happens during daytime.

At night, not everybody is out. Babies are not, so that’s a win. I can’t see everybody’s face, so there’s no awkwardness about eye contact. I can make out constellations and stare at the moon in wonder. …


And in no way should you feel guilty about that

I have a headache for every occasion. I have one for depression, one for insomnia, and so on. Crucially, there is a specific headache I experience whenever I feel suffocated because I’m not getting my required space. That ache has plagued me for months now.

I always feel guilty about that. About needing distance between myself and the people I love. Do I truly love them if I need a certain degree of separation between us? Such introspection predictably devolves into me thinking I’m a bad person. That is, until I remember good and bad are perspectives, not facts.

Whenever…


Once nothing more than chance encounters while scrolling Prime Video, now they’re part of my list of favorites

I don’t generally watch movies or television shows. My preferred media are books and video games. Nevertheless, once in a while I do feel like enjoying something on the big screen. But given that the pandemic is still raging in India (the last movie I watched in an actual theater was Tenet, and only three people attended), it is to streaming platforms I must turn.

I don’t have Netflix, because what would I need Netflix for? I do have an Amazon Prime subscription, and so I open up Prime Video from time to time. …


We can never truly spread awareness about mental illness without dealing with its taboo side

Note: This article is not meant to harm any religious or spiritual sentiments. If it does, I sincerely apologize. Musings on religion (and which one is “superior”) or the existence of God are simply not areas this piece aims to cover. It is written for the mentally ill who involuntarily feel sexually attracted toward a deity and are plagued by shame because of it.

In terms of mental health awareness, we as a society have come a long way. From dismissing depression as mere laziness to it being considered a comorbidity in some countries, the progress is undeniable. …

Chandrayan Gupta

Young author, blogger, and law student. I write crime thrillers with a heavy focus on mental health issues. Instagram: chandrayan_gupta

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store