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Why I Will Never Tattoo Over My Scars
They serve as reminders of a wretched past, and hope of a brighter tomorrow
Note: All opinions expressed in this article are my own. They are not intended to hurt or offend anyone, and I sincerely apologize if they do. Further, this article makes multiple references to suicide and self-harm, and may act as a trigger. Please read with caution.
Nonsuicidal self-harm.
I was in a daze when I heard these words. I cannot quite remember how I thought to harm myself, but I did. Back then it was to deal with my overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks. I discovered if I cut myself when anticipating an attack, the relief and the pain made it go away.
My brother had come over the first time I did it. He lived in another city, and his visit was a joyous occasion. But I was too depressed and anxious to think clearly. Afterward, I felt immensely guilty at having ruined everyone’s mood. My parents told me not to worry about it and took me to my psychiatrist.
He first asked me whether I had been hoping to die. I answered in the negative. That was when I heard those four words. The object of self-harm had traditionally been suicide, but there was apparently an increasing number of reports of self-harm for other reasons.
